"Move one inch at a time"

The past week has been very very tough for me. I’ve had to make a lot of decisions about my life, and I’m still in the process of figuring things out. I’m mostly just trying to decide where I want to live and what I’m going to be doing for the next couple of years. Sometimes I feel like people are playing a tug-of-war with me and where I will be staying. I’m not sure what I want to do, its all so confusing and heart breaking. I don’t want to upset anyone, and I definitely don’t want to make a decision right now. For now though I’d like to just live in two different places, and take it day by day. If I want to be alone, I’ll go to my boyfriends, and when he needs his space I’ll go see my mom. Its hard that I feel like I’m trying to please everyone around me and not myself. I’m in a huge pickle right now.

Other than that, I’m still looking for a job. I applied about two weeks ago at a movie store in town and still haven’t gotten a call back. I also got very sick a week ago and it lasted about an entire week so that slowed the process down quite a bit. I’m probably going to call them again some time soon, and if I still don’t get anywhere from there I will be applying somewhere else. I find it stupid for a store to put up a “help wanted” sign and then not reply to someone that wants to work for them. It’s not like anyone is pulling any strings for me, they need help! I guess they don’t need it that bad then. I just really really need a job right now so that I can move on with my life. I am almost 18, which means that then I can take the GED, get my license, and start to get things moving with my boyfriend. When only one of us is working, it makes things very difficult in so many ways - not just money. I’m ready to grow up. I’m ready to start my life. I know I’m young - I’m only 17 years old - but I am very mature for my age. That’s just who I am, and that’s how I want to live my life. End of story.

I’ve got an idea I came up with today for some more goodies for you visitors, if I have any. My boyfriend works at Sherwin Williams, so when the wallpaper books there go out of date, he brings them home to me. I was going through them today and found that a lot of the things could be awesome for textures. There are so many different kinds of wallpapers that I could easily get 100+ textures if I put my mind to it and had a scanner on hand. That sounds exciting! We also use the wallpapers to make home-made cards for any occasion. Its an awesome idea, and very fun to do. My boyfriend and I have a blast making some sweet things with just wallpaper samples and spray-glue. That sounds like a great idea to me and I’d like to get that started sometime soon. I think it would be a nice addition to this site. I would also love to design my boyfriend a website for his graphic designing. He makes business cards and what not for some people he knows. I’d love to see his work displayed online somewhere so people can see how talented he is. It would be an honor for me to create him a website! Hopefully sometime soon my visitors will be his as well.

"Some changes need to be made"

I’ve been working on the site a bit today, it’s a mess. I’ll definitely be making a lot of changes here and there for a while. Also adding pages and content because there really wasn’t much to begin with. I’ve also got a new layout up my sleeve, but I like this one for the moment, and the new one isn’t quite ready yet. I’m just going to focus on content for now, instead of a new layout.

It’s a beautiful day out today - it’s 63 degrees out! I love this part of spring. There aren’t leaves on the trees yet, I cannot wait until then, that’s my favorite part. I’ve been organizing and cleaning every day lately, I must be in spring cleaning mode. This is the best part of the year; when spring comes, everything has gone from gray and depressing, to bright and warm. Everything comes alive and I feel like thats what happens to my spirit, too. It lightens up, just like springtime. They should make “new years resolutions” start in the springtime instead of january. I feel so much more in the mood to make changes in my life now than I did a few months ago. With that said, I think I’m going to start my “Springtime resolutions.” I’m such a goof, but I love it.

1. Get a job, something in retail, and stick with it.
2. Clean up every day - it is needed. Living with someone else means 2x more mess, but with Dev its 4x more. I enjoy it and it makes me happy, so why not?
3. Go out more, even if its just sitting outside on a chair enjoying the weather.
4. Spend more time with my family.
5. Spend alone time being productive and being creative.

I’m going to go back to zoning out and watching the TV.

"Searching…"

…for many things right now. I am currently looking for a job, something that peaks my interest like retail or a cleaning job. Or just some sort of organizing job. If not that, I would LOVE an online job. Of course I would have to wait until I turn 18 to get one, but that will come soon enough. A little bit more than a month and that time will finally come. Freedom and Independence. For real. I am also searching for things that make me… Me. Things that I enjoy to do and that make me happy. Photography is one of those things, but the weather has been dreadful lately, and whenever the weather is nice I’m taking advantage of it in a different way. I cleaned my boyfriends car the other day; I vacuumed it and everything. It makes me feel good to make things look better than before. I’ve pretty much had a project every day for the past week. I’m always drastically changing something around us, whether it be just cleaning or moving furniture.

Anyways… I haven’t mentioned my nephew yet! His name is Hayden, and he is 11 weeks old. He’s a very smart baby; he’s starting to help himself sit up, learning baby sign language, rolling over and teething. I’m very proud of my little guy. And he’s just the cutest baby I’ve ever seen. Sometimes I’m not sure how to act towards him because I’ve never really interacted with any babies, so it’s definitely a new thing for me. Though, about 2 weeks ago I changed his diaper for the first time. Yay auntie! I’ll be changing poopy diapers in no time, oh boy!

Well, I’ve been adding pages here and there, so while I’m still in the mood I shall get working.

"It’s been a while"

Hey guys, sorry I haven’t blogged in a while. I haven’t been able to actually sit down and think enough. I thought I’d do a survey to maybe get my brain going, or so you guys can just learn a little bit more about me, since I got rid of my ‘about me’ page. Needs to be totally re-done. But, anyways, here’s the survey; 70 random things about me…

Last person who…
1. Slept in your bed: Devan and I
2. Saw you cry: Devan
3. Made you cry: Myself
4. You shared a drink with: Devan
5. You went to the movies with: Devan
6. You went to the mall with: Devan
7. Yelled at you: Phoenix… he yells at us to let him in the room
8. Sent you an email: ‘Sugar Network’

Have you ever…
9. Said “I Love You” and meant it?: Yes
10. Gotten in a fight with your pet: Nope
11. Been to California: No
12. Been to Hawaii: No
13. Been to Mexico: No
14. Been to China: No
15. Been to Canada: No
16. Dreamed something really crazy and then it happened the next day?: Not exactly, but probably random little things that made me think of it

Extra…
17. Do you have a crush on someone: I am very much in love
18. What book are you reading now: Wormwood by Poppy Z. Brite
19. Worst feeling in the world: Being depressed
20. Future son’s name: Not sure
21. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: No, only when I’m sick
22. What’s under your bed: Wallpaper books
23. Favorite sport to watch: Hockey
24. Siblings: 1 sister
25. Location: NH
26. College plans: Not sure
27. Piercings/tattoos: Ears
28. Boyfriend/Girlfriend: Boyfriend
29. Do you do drugs: What kind of question is that?
30. Do you drink: Occasionally
31. Who is your best friend: My boyfriend
32. What are you most scared of: Death
33. What clothes do you sleep in: Tank top and undies
34. Where do you want to get married: I’m not sure, possibly a church?
35. Who do you really hate: Miley Cirus/Hannah Montana!
36. Been in Love: Yes
37. Do you drive: Nope
38. Do you have a job: Not at the moment
39. Do you like being around people: Depends on who it is
40. Have you ever liked someone you had no chance with: Of course
45. Have you ever cried over something someone of the opposite sex did: Yes
46. Do you have a “type” of person you always go after: No
47. Want someone you don’t have right now?: Nope
48. Are you lonely right now: Not at all
49. Song thats stuck in your head a lot: I don’t usually get songs stuck it my head, but if I do it’ll probably be the shins
50. Do you want to get married: Yes
51. Do you want kids: Yes I do

Favorite…
52. Room in house: Only got one room
53. Type(s) of music: Rock… etc.
54. Band(s): the Shins, Eisley, Jimmy Eat World, Needtobreathe… etc.
55. Color: Pink
56. Perfume or cologne?: Perfume
57. Month: May
58. Stone: Emerald

In the last week, have you…
60. Cried: Yes, I cried last night because my tummy hurt so bad
61. Bought something: Yes, but not with my own $$$
62. Gotten sick: No
63. Sang: Probably
64. Wanted to tell someone you loved them: I make sure to tell everyone I love that I love them
65. Met someone new: Nope
66. Missed someone: Yes, my mum
67. Hugged someone: Yes
68. Kissed someone: Yes!
69. Gone to a restaurant: Yes, Longhorn… It was delicious
70. Drank an alcoholic beverage: Yes

Doing this survey has made me want to redo that “About me” page instead of wanting to blog. LOL I’ll get to that in a few… I’ve been taking lots of pictures lately of lots of cats and other random things. I’m glad the weathers getting good now, that means I can go out someplace and take some pictures elsewhere. I would love to go to the cemetery in Portsmouth I went to last time for school because I never got to see the pictures I took. That was, by far, the prettiest cemetery I have seen. If you want to call a cemetery pretty. It’s just nicely set up with very cool iron fences. It makes me think of the stereotypical cemeteries which I think is great to take pictures of. Pretty much anywhere in Portsmouth can be photographed because its such an old town and there are always some wonderful old buildings to the right or left of you. I would also love to go down to the beach before it gets crowded and take some pictures of the ocean. I’m very excited for this spring/summer. It’s picture taking time!

Now, while I still am in the mood to get some stuff done, I’m going to go do it before I change my mind. I will try and blog again soon, hopefully to say I’ve got some updates along the way.

(BTW; Thank you everyone who has been commenting and visiting my site, and I apologize for not returning them. I can be very lazy sometimes.)

"It’s time to come out, little boy!"

So it’s officially past my sister’s due date. She was supposed to have him on the 10th, but here we are and he still hasn’t come out. If she doesn’t have him by friday, they’re going to induce her. I’m really excited to be an aunt, this boy is going to be super spoiled… Once I get a job. I haven’t exactly gone out to look for a job yet, but I do have some ideas in mind. I’d like to work at a retail store again, despite all the angry people. But I like all of the clothes and the organization of it all.

I’ve been taking a lot of pictures with my new camera, already filled the memory stick once and put them all on my computer. I’m seriously considering photography as a path for me. I think I’m pretty good at it and I could make that work. I can’t wait for spring to come so I can go outside and take some pretty nature pictures. Being cooped up in the cold is making me have a whole lot of pictures of my cat. That, and with spring comes my birthday, and I’m turning 18. I can’t wait. There are so many things that I want to do when I turn 18. I’d like to get a tattoo, probably not right away though. I’d also like to get my belly button pierced, get my GED and my license, and get an apartment with my boyfriend. I’m looking forward to that.

I just purchased the new Nancy Drew game with a game club credit on Big Fish Games. I love getting new games, it’s so exciting. Well… getting new things is exciting in general pretty much. I’ve also been playing a lot of wow the past week or two. I made a death knight and I’m at level 63, in the outlands. In one of the areas there is a giant elite monster that roams around the place, and every time he comes around I get so scared. The fel reaver is huge and makes scary noises but is always sneaking up behind me. I get spooked way too easily.